The History
The Speak of Silence
The idea for The Speak of Silence came to me one day while I was driving. I had just passed a billboard and thought to myself What if someone knew how to kill people using words? I bet they would get a billboard. I envisioned cars crashing and flying off of the road. Now you're probably wondering 1) Who thinks up sinister crap like this? and 2) Why is this guy not on an some agency's watch list?
Fast forward now a couple of years. It was early in 2009, and I was working in the real estate industry, which basically shut down in the Fall of 2007 when the CMBS market cratered. I had a wife, 4 kids, a house and a mountain of bills. My company finally fired me, but I managed to hang on by taking a 50% pay cut, which meant that fun things like bankruptcy and foreclosure were likely realities.
One night I was lying in bed during this incredibly difficult time, unable to sleep, and an overwhelming feeling of doom came over me. I felt helpless, beaten and lost. This made me mad, and I resolved never to give up. I remembered this very fitting quote*: "If I was sunk in the lowest pit of Nova Scotia and all the Rocky Mountains piled on top of me, I ought not to be discouraged but hang on, exercise faith, and keep up good courage and I should come out on the top of the heap at last." I urgently then needed to do something to change my situation. But, what does one do at 11:00 at night in suburban San Diego? The absolute only thing I could think of was to write; so, I climbed out of bed, went downstairs to our computer and starting pounding the keys. If I could have gotten hired pulling weeds that night, I would have taken the job with deep gratitude. I was truly at the end of my rope. Sometime after 1:00 am I finished the introduction. I wasn't quite sure what it was at the time, thinking maybe it was part of Chapter 1. Honestly, I had no idea how to write a novel, how they are structured or even what they are worth. Looking back now, I understand that perhaps their greatest worth is just to finally finish.
Have you done the math yet? I started writing nearly 10 years ago with the idea of the billboard in the back of my head; however, it wasn't until Stevin pulled onto the Bay Bridge did I finally get to that point in the story. That wasn't until Chapter 10, nearly half way through. Funny thing, there are no billboards in the story, but it was the Bay Bridge/San Mateo Bridge scene that was inspired by my early billboard thought.
Additionally, I had intended to title the book Anfall, which, if you've read the book already, you'll remember means 'attack' in German. As the story developed, I realized that Anfall was just a bit too foreign, so I settled on The Speak of Silence. Also interesting to note, many names used in the story were inspired by my high school friends. However, I'm not sure where I got the name Martin Bornstein. He did not attend high school with me. The name Stevin was inspired by a guy who worked on Miramar Road in San Diego and tinted my car windows. Verteidiger ('Defender' in English) was a sort of nick name of mine when I lived in Germany. And last but not least, Richard Spencer is not the ass wipe we all know today. The name came from my father-in-law, Bruce Brittain, who produced a movie entitled At Gun Point. In the movie he has a small cameo where he says, "Alias Richard Spencer." The name Richard, or Dick, Spencer has been a family joke and/or nickname for Bruce for years.
Writing turned out to be much more difficult than I expected. When I finally got to Chapter 4, I was struggling. Sometimes I went months without writing. Sometimes I would write myself into corners and not know how to get out of them without being preposterous, which is something I try and avoid. (Simple words stopping your heart...preposterous!) Sometimes I would open the file, stare for a while and close it. Writing was as if I were following a little mouse on the floor. Sometimes he would walk, sometimes he would sleep for long, long periods of time and sometimes he would scamper. By Chapter 6 and several years into this hobby project, I was exhausted and reached out to inquire about ghost writing, which was a short conversation after receiving a quote for $50,000 to help me finish.
I went to my wife one day and asked if I could spend the $50,000 to finish my novel. I won't quote her here, but let's just say that the answer was no. From that point until I hired an editor when I was finished, it was radio silence - nearly 6 years since I last mentioned it to anyone, including my wife.
About Chapter 9 is when the little mouse really perked up. The fog began to lift and I could write and actually anticipate Stevin's next moves. Up until that point, the whole thing was like a puzzle being sold at a garage sale in a Ziplock bag, and I didn't quite know what I had. After Chapter 10, the mouse got along at a good clip. By Chapter 15 in the Summer of 2016, he was haulin' serious ass, and writing was a blast! Some weeks I would write a whole chapter. In fact, one day I wrote an entire chapter in about 6 hours. I think it was Chapter 17. I love that Chapter...the pillow fight, Tiny Bubbles, exploring Kauai...magic! The day I finished Chapter 17, I realized I had the rest of the puzzle figured out and knew that I could finish by the end of the year, so that's what I did. I wrote the first 15 or so chapters between 2009 and 2016 and the last 10 chapters between Summer of 2016 and December 10, 2016, the day I finished.
Now we get to the hard part, and I'll keep it short. For those who don't know, once you finish your novel, or manuscript in raw form , you get to decide if you want to try and find an agent who will represent you to a publicist or self-publish, on Amazon for example. Finding an agent for first timers like me is like facing Randy Johnson while holding a toothpick for a bat. Over 30 of them turned me down. Sure they were nice about it. But, apparently, my work "wasn't what they are looking for." That's OK. *See quote above.
So I'm left to self-publish, which I'm assuming is code for "throw it in the vortex and see if someone can find it among the thousands."
Lastly, I'm sure if people do actually read the book that some of them will 1) be offended by something I wrote and 2) find a number of inaccuracies compared to real life. To them I say I love you and I'm sorry. But, please remember you are reading a book of fiction.
If you did read the book, I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to shoot me an email and let me know your thoughts. I'm usually good about responding.
Silence Sometimes Speaks
...just kidding!
All the best,
John
